Some people suck the self esteem right out of you...
Have you noticed these 'self esteem suckers' wandering the universe, preying on unsuspecting people going about their daily business?
I am sure you know the ones I am referring to. They are the members of our society that you can trace back and find, just by following the path of human destruction they leave behind in their wake. This path is littered with quivering, insecure, unmotivated, depressed and shaken individuals who dared to get in the way of (or merely be in the same timezone as) a SEPS (Self Esteem People Sucker).
Types of SEPS (not by any means a definative list - just those I have noticed more of)
1. The Underhand SEPSThese are the people who like to set victims up with a trap. They are sneaky and not to be under estimated. The victim that falls into the trap will have been so well set up that they will often be blindsided by an event, and before they can blink the whole world (well those who work with them or are in their class) will be against them. A nasty dangerous individual who pretends to be on your side but is out for their own means. They undermine others, and as a result an individuals self esteem plummets because they perceive that the world is against them. The best way to counteract this SEPS is to keep your eyes open, remain consistent and never buy into the game play.
2. The Wrecking Ball SEPSThe wrecking ball is the person who barges in and tramples down and crushes another person with no thought about their feelings. They are not interested in rebuilding and strengthening others, only in the destruction of anything that gets in their way.
3. The Machiavellian SEPSBeware the cunning and conniving Machiavellian. These SEPS will manipulate and twist their victim until it is too late. How they excel in sucking out self esteem is that they know how to push a persons buttons, undermining what someone believes and as a result crumbling their self esteem so that the person no longer can see or believe the reality of what is going on.
4. The Egotistical SEPSAs the title would suggest, these people are convinced that the world revolves around them, and that everyone should bow to their every whim and desire. They suck the self esteem in others by leaving someone feeling neglected, unfulfilled and very disappointed. These SEPS have an ego bigger than the average mountain, and are usually loud, obnoxious and totally self absorbed.
5. The Negative SEPSNothing is ever going to go right for the Negative SEPS. You can not miss these SEPS - they are the ones who are moaning and groaning. Any positive comment by a person is counteracted with a negative downer. Tell them you have a new car, and you will get a 5 minute lecture on how much more expensive it will be to run your car, how that brand breaks down and how your petrol costs have just increased. We all know a negative SEPS - watch they don't suck your self esteem by breaking down your positive outlook. Keep on smiling - they hate that. A variant of these SEPS to watch out for are those who may take a disliking for a person and are negative to all that they may do - finding fault in every task. Best avoided at all costs.
6. Killer of Dreams SEPSFor me, one of the most hurtful of SEPS. Dreams are what give us hope, they allow us the opportunity to see what might be, and to imagine a better place. Dreams are beautiful vessels that motivate us to work hard, see alternatives and explore options. The Killer of Dreams SEPS takes the dreams of a person and crushes them underneath a torrent of scorn and derision. They suck the hope and future of possibilities right out of someone. Remember, these SEPS are sad, dysfunctional individuals that require your pity. Never allow this SEPS to ruin your dreams.
I am sure you can think of other SEPS types whose toxicity and mere presence can undermine your self esteem and crumble your confidence. They have traits and commonalities to watch out for.
- The more they get away with their abhorrent behaviour the more they will continue to victimise others.
- Often, these people can not see how their behaviour impacts on others, or that their behaviour is wrong. For many, they have their own demons and self esteem issues they are battling - building up their self esteem by trampling another is how they feed their own self worth.
- These people are bullies, and they are masking their own inadequacies by acting this way.
Our best armour against these SEPS is to disempower them by not allowing them to take our self esteem. Be resilient. Bounce forward and refuse to accept knock backs as knock downs, but instead see them as mere bumps in the journey.
Self belief and self confidence is yours - a SEPS can not take it without you giving them permission. How you give them that permission is by buying into their trickery and tactics. If you fall for what they do and say, and believe it, then they have succeeded. We are smarter and stronger than that. Take control of your life, your situation and your mental disposition. Rewrite your mental mantras. They (I do wonder who this magical 'they' is sometimes) say that we are what we think. So, think positive.
Finally, remember this - you are the master of your own destiny. Keep positive, retain your self confidence (heck when in doubt, fake it), and remember - these sad little individuals are really pretty disturbed and suffer major self esteem deficiencies.
Lets not allow anyone the opportunity to suck out our self esteem anymore! Instead, let our self worth, belief and confidence suck the negativity right out of them, shinning like a beacon for all to see and aspire to.
NB: Sometimes, when our self esteem and emotional reserves are low and we feel the world has battered us to submission, we find it hard to see the difference between what is reality and what is the perceived reality. It is a trap that many of us have fallen into, so I would caution that when you feel you may be facing a SEPS, take a reality perception test. Either ask a trusted friend/colleague to look at the situation from an impartial view, or put a virtual perception lens over what you see. Think about what others would see if they were looking in, is it justified, unjustified or are you perhaps being a little sensitive and perhaps not seeing all points of view. Our judgement is easily clouded when our own self worth is low. Invest in some time to check for balance.